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Mr Gruff

mothwentbad in atheism

Intelligent Design Theory Well-Evidenced and Based On Deism

Even now, over a decade since the inception of Intelligent Design theory, atheists everywhere continue their losing fight against ID, still clinging to the half-baked and outdated idea of evolution as proposed by some old cook Charles Darwin back in the 1850's. I mean, back then, we still believed in the aether and shit, for Christ's sake.

The modern theory of Intelligent Design, championed by William Dembski, Michael Behe, and virtually the entire scientific community goes roughly like this: This shit totally couldn't've made itself, so we should give up on ever trying to understand it naturalistically ever, whether it's already understood or not.

Intelligent Design is a really modern idea, because it's based on Will Paley's Apathetic Theology, published in 1980. In it, Will Paley describes an intricately organized clump of metal that makes copies of itself for no discernible "greater purpose" and occasionally maims people and feeds on their blood. "If you were to find one of these things while walking along a beach, you'd probably say, 'holy shit, that thing's gonna kill me!', and if you escaped, you'd probably think long and hard about what kind of intelligence might design such a thing. Probably some crazy dude who did it for the lulz because he just doesn't give a rat's ass! Isn't that nuts?"

Leading the opposition is Michael Newdow. "It's bad enough that God was added to the pledge in the 50's", Newdow lamented. "But now... this God, who ironically wanted nothing more than to let us mind our own business, is being crammed down the throats of children all over the country!"

If you'll recall, the phrase "under God" was added to the Pledge of the United States of America in 1954 with the approval of then-president Dwight D. Eisenhower for the purpose of differentiating the Americans, who believed in an all-powerful God who created the Universe and then abandoned it, from the Russian Communists, who believed in no God at all. This masterful stroke of genius is ultimately what brought America back to its Jeffersonian Deist roots and tore down the infamous Iron Curtain.

"It disgusts me", said paranoid atheist Richard Dawkins. "I want the sharpened tools of the scientific method to guide our society in the new century because there is no God, not because there is a God, but one who doesn't care. And it frightens me that people act as if there is actually any reason at all to believe in such a thing. I swear, if I hear 'God doesn't give a rat's ass' one more time, I'm going to hurl. I mean, it sort of is true that God doesn't give a rat's ass, but it's vacuously true because of the false presupposition of existence implicit in 'God gives a rat's ass'... but that's not what they mean, generally. They mean something fouler and more sinister by that." When asked to comment on why Dawkins couldn't accept someone else's belief in a God who is well-evidenced, threatens or bribes no one, never asked for sycophancy, claims no authority over humankind, doesn't tell us what to do with our bodies, lets us negotiate our own interactions with our fellow humans, and whose own non-followers gladly acknowledge to be "effectively, if not actually, nonexistent", he refused to comment, choosing instead to cling to blind atheistic hatred.

But ID is clearly winning. While the ID following has doubled several times since its inception in 1991, the support for evolution has barely grown at all. The consensus is in: clearly there is a God... and He simply doesn't give a rat's ass.

But Dembski cautions us all not to jump to conclusions based on the small ocean of experimental data and the arsenal of lifesaving medical technologies generated by Intelligent Design Theory:

"I mean, I'm just saying that the number of Gods is a positive integer less than two. But I certainly wouldn't be so bold as to claim to know what the exact number of Gods is."

And then Dembski winked for effect, almost as if part of his statement were not to be taken at face value.


I mean, back then, we still believed in the aether and shit, for Christ's sake.

Goddam. We believed the earth was round back then too! Holy crap! We are so not scientific about any of this. We should get on that...
A skeptic doesn't "lose a fight" against ID, or any other theory which has been shown to be credible. If the evidence for a particular theory, like Intelligent Design, overwhelms the evidence for an alternate, the former becomes the standard. We should not feel that we've "lost" some battle against Intelligent Design; we should just embrace it and acknowledge that evolutionary theory, ultimately, doesn't hold weight. This isn't to say that Darwin is "bad" or that the theory was ill-conceived, but it can't stand up to the incredible complexity of life -- and the entire universe, for that matter.

Edited at 2009-04-02 02:37 am (UTC)
Today has been a festering blister of potential quote mines. I don't regret a minute of it.
Go Green!

Wait, what?
Thank god this shit is over.

Midnight won't fall on the international date line for another 5 hours or so.
If there were a god, every day would be April 1st.
If I were Bill Murray, every day would be Groundhog Day.
Is April Fools' Day finally over?